I am really pissed off at the moment.
You know, when you work hard on something, when you put a lot of time and strength into it, and then all you get is only negative feedback. All the time. From people whom you consider to be your friends. Now that gives a lot of motivation, doesn't it?
I know that once you get into a new area of something, like music business for instance, you feel that you're so cool. But people who have been there for ages and have gone through all this stuff, know that you aren't really cool at all. And somewhere deep down you realize it yourself, that there's still a lot to learn and after some time things won't seem the same way they used to. But still you get excited about every little step, because everything is so new for you. However, all those 'experienced' people feel that they have the right to spoil it all for you, to smash it in your face, that what you do is just crap that nobody needs, that your pictures suck and what you write sucks also. And it doesn't bother anyone that you have just started, they HAVE to get you down no matter what.
I have spent a whole fucking day yesterday, working on the Poets of The Fall interview, just to hear in the morning 'Gosh, what have you written here? I'll have to re-write almost everything now! This doesn't go in magazines, this is wrong and that is too'. And not a single word of encouragement, except for 'It was the same when I started'. I mean, yeah, I understand I should be told about all of my flaws to be able to work on them, I agree. But a little good word here and there would show me that there's still hope. Otherwise I just don't understand what the fuck for am I wasting my time?
I still don't understand whether I belong in this whole thing at all. There are so many lies everywhere that I already feel dirty just by reading them. I can't be like that, I can't come up with lies that would make people think I am so cool. I hate it.
Either I'll just clench my teeth and go through this tunnel or I'll quit this crap for good. At the moment it doesn't make any sense to me at all.
And a picture to go with my mood: